That One Wants to Live

Posted on March 17, 2017 by rstaples2013

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I was looking up the number to call the Garden Center when I remembered that my friend (86 y/o) who worked at this Garden Center would have the wisdom I needed.

This friend is mentally quicker than most of my younger friends. I love to find a reason to call her because I always find her delightful.

After the usual catch up that an infrequent conversation requires, I told her the reason for my call.

I had purchased two bamboo plants from the Garden Center where she worked prior to her retirement. I explained to her that I had been told I could put them in water or potting soil and the results would be the same.

So, I secured one in a bed of rocks and filled the tube with water. The other I secured in a bed of rocks but filled the vase with potting soil. (OK, Let’s be honest. When I asked my husband to water the plants while I was gone for an extended time, I forgot to tell him about these bamboos.)

So now, I am home and the bamboo in water is thriving, but the one in potting soil looks dead.

Yet, there is a green crown on the top of the “dead” stalk and when I pulled the stalk out of the soil I found roots.

Hearing this story my friend initially said we could try an experiment and cut the stalk close to the leaves but when she heard the stalk had roots her tone changed to optimism. “Oh, if this plant has roots it wants to live”. She went on to instruct that I wash the roots well and remove all the dead leaves from the stalk. She then said to get rid of all the soil, rinse the rocks, secure the stalk in the clean rocks, fill the vase with water and pray over it.

I told her I would do these things and then call and let her know what happened. She said, “Please do”.

As I observe this plant, I wonder how many people I meet who look like they aren’t going to make it. I pray that I remember to check and see if they have roots. I pray that I watch for evidence of green life. I ask for wisdom to help them rinse off that which is choking their growth. I want them to have access to both a strong foundation and living water.

I trust that when I look like this hopeless plant someone will do these things for me.

May we recognize “That One Wants to Live”!

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Encountering Jesus on the Street

Posted on March 10, 2017 by rstaples2013

On my journey to know God more intimately I am working on spending the day in ongoing conversation with Him. This morning I said, “I’m not getting out of bed until you say something to me”. My tone was not demanding, but rather playful. I knew He would understand.

I waited in silence for quite a long time and then He whispered, “I have a surprise planned for you today”.

I got up quickly and set my mind to watch for the surprise. I knew one would come and I didn’t want to miss it.

At the same time, I went through the normal routine of daily living. One of my tasks for my current guest status is to take the dog for a walk through the streets of a mobile home park.

As we walked my eyes were captivated by a lady coming towards me carrying a satchel of papers. I had seen her in this park before but not recently. She seemed glad to see me and I opened with, “I haven’t seen you for quite a while”.

“No”, she replied. She then went on to tell me that her husband was in medical ICU and she was struggling to manage the paper work that would keep his insurance active.

This lady is from another country and English is her second language. I know, from my own experience, that Medicare forms and Insurance papers are a nightmare for anyone. I sensed this was doubly hard for her as she lamented that she has no family here and no one to help her.

As I listened I learned that she was under a time deadline to get some papers notarized. One option that was presented to her was free but she would need to transport her husband to the office of this notary. This, of course, is impossible as the husband has a tracheotomy and is on a ventilator. The other option is for it to be done by a notary in the hospital but this would cost $40.

She looked at me with body language of sadness and confusion not knowing how a hospital could deny care and how it could be that there was no one to help her.

I asked again wanting to be sure I understood. “So, you need $40 in order to complete the paper work for your husband to be eligible for services and you don’t have $40?”

“No, she said, “I am waiting for my Social Security check but it will be too late”.

Knowing I had a $50 bill in my purse that what was wondering what to do with itself, I put my hand on this lady’s shoulder and turned the whole story over to Jesus.

Undeterred by her objections, I asked her to hold the leash and I would bring her the money.

She gratefully accepted and wanted to know how to thank me. I said, “Just thank Jesus”.

She thanked Jesus and she thanked me, too. She wanted my name and address so she can send me a card.

As we then walked separate ways, she to the bus stop and me on my dog walk, I recognized that I had just had an encounter with Jesus.

He smiled and said this was my surprise.

My heart leapt with joy.

I had encountered Jesus on the street.

 

 

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No, Honey, There is Nothing Wrong

Posted on March 7, 2017 by rstaples2013

These words came to me from my massage therapist whom I called to tell that my muscles had a rebound effect to her work on my body. I was feeling increased pain and a general feeling that there was something not right.

This therapist knows that I am in this city for the purpose of settling the affairs of my friend who recently died. She had met this friend and knew how precious our relationship was and how deeply I am grieving.

“No, Honey, there is nothing wrong. It’s just that you are here and she is not”.

Those simple words of authoritative wisdom have not left me.

There is not much that can be said to a grieving person that feels like help. Yet, this response was helpful to me.

First, she spoke with authority. Grief brings with it a sense that everything is shifting. It’s helpful when someone is sure of something because you don’t feel sure of anything.

Then, she gave assurance that there is nothing wrong. Grief whispers that something has happened that is very wrong. Guilt whispers that I could/should have done something different and this would not have happened.

Finally, she uncovered the stark reality: You are here and she is not.

I’ve always come to this city because my friend was here. Now I am here and she is not.

It feels intrusive to sort through her personal things while her ashes are displayed on a coffee table with an official letter that they have permission to travel.

But this statement, you are here and she is not is not limited to this season of executing her will and releasing her possessions.

No, until my name comes up in the book where all my days are written it will be my reality. I am here on this earth and she is not.

Deep in my heart, I know that this reality does not mean that there is something wrong. In fact, my faith voice is beginning to gain strength and actually tell me that all is well.

God used the voice of this therapist, who is of Jewish faith, Syrian heritage and Mexican culture to speak the words that Jesus wants me to hear.

Strengthened by the Holy Spirit, I can walk on because there is nothing wrong. It’s just that I am here and my friend is not.

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Leaning into Jesus

Posted on March 6, 2017 by rstaples2013

The story of John, who calls himself the disciple that Jesus loved, is compelling. At one point in the biblical story he is reclining next to Jesus resting his head on Him. When asked by the other disciples to check on something with Jesus, John leaned into Jesus chest and whispered.

This is what I want to do with Jesus.

I just got a text from my ten-year-old granddaughter. She said she is happy right now because she is texting me but she is sad because she wants me right next to her in real life.

I am happy right now because I can pray. I can pour out my heart to Jesus and He answers me.

But I long to be with Him in real life.

How do I lean into His chest and whisper during this chapter when I can experience His Presence but I can’t physically touch Him?

I know the answer to this is personal for each of us. I have friends who “soak” with worship music, others who encounter Him by talking to Him in their prayer language, some go for walks and “see” Him in the world He has created. Prayerfully reading His Word with a searching teachable heart draws others and then there is corporate worship.

I can stand with John and say I am the disciple that Jesus loves. Not because He loves me more than anyone else but because I am able to acknowledge His love and embrace it as mine.

Yet, I long for more. I don’t want to just text Jesus. I want Him right next to me in real life. I need to become better acquainted with the Holy Spirit.

I want to know Him and the power of His Resurrection

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Ponder with Me

Posted on March 6, 2017 by rstaples2013

What does foot washing look like today.

In my understanding, foot washing in the days of Jesus time on earth was an action done by someone who carried the identity of a servant. It was a humbling act in that the foot washer needed to kneel before the one whose foot he was washing. The sandaled foot would likely be contaminated with all that would be encountered on a road traveled by a variety of animals and careless humans.

The volunteer foot washer then, would be one who chooses to become a servant and is willing to expose oneself to unpleasant if not hazardous debris.

This begs the question: If I were to confront my friend today with a basin of water and wash her feet, would this be what Jesus meant when He said you have seen me wash your feet, now go and wash each other’s feet.

My action of washing my friends feet would provide for her an opportunity to remember this action initiated by Jesus. But my friend’s feet are not dirty. She took a shower this morning and is wearing clean socks.

What can I do today that would capture the meaning of what Jesus meant when He asked us to wash each other’s feet.

What does a servant role look like in my circle of friends?

What can I do for you today that would prompt you to say, “Oh that must be what Jesus meant when He said now that you have seen Me do this, go and do it.”

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If Aging had an On/Off Switch

Posted on March 6, 2017 by rstaples2013

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I glanced at a TV documentary of medical research on children that don’t age normally. One little girl was six years old chronologically but lived in the body and mind of a six-month-old child. A boy who had lived forty years had the body and mind of a ten-year-old child. Doctors were doing research to somehow release these children from the tragedy of not aging normally.

I wish I had watched the program more closely so I could write about it with more accuracy. It wasn’t until it was over that I was struck with the thought that the only thing worse than aging normally is not aging normally.

We are bombarded daily with new miracle procedures to reverse aging. How many famous people are stepping out to reveal their secret for tightening wrinkled skin? My own bias is that my skin will stay wrinkled and even get more wrinkled no matter what I do to it. The most effective thing I have found is to dim the bathroom lights. I look younger when I am in dim light.

Then there are products that will specifically address each and every body function promising a return to youthful vigor.

But why is aging an enemy to those of us who are on the fast track toward old and a missing friend to the children who are not experiencing this journey?

What would happen if we were to welcome signs and symptoms of aging? What if our goal would be to look our chronological age and be proud when someone says the age you are is the age you look.

What if we were to be gentle with ourselves when we realize that it takes us longer to do some things now than it did a couple of decades ago?

What if the stiff knee is a wink from our Creator that our bodies are only designed for temporary use?

I am not advocating careless inattention to our bodies. They are gifts from God and a temple of the Holy Spirit. We need to invest in physical, emotional mental and spiritual health.

I am only wondering if we have agreed with out culture that tells us that older people are less attractive and less valuable.

If I had and On/Off button for my own aging I don’t think I would push it.

I hope to live a long healthy life. I hope as I take this journey that it will be obvious to my friends that as I am aging I am gaining both wisdom and wrinkles.

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One Thing I Know For Sure

Posted on March 3, 2017 by rstaples2013

 

 

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Is that I don’t want this dog.

I don’t like little dogs. I’m not even sure they are dogs. I like a dog like my first dog from when I grew up on a farm. He looked like a dog. He acted like a dog. His name was Shep. He looked like Lassie but shorter hair, as he was a Collie/German Shepherd mix. All dogs were mixes of something back then and there.

This is a little white furry thing that weighs about ten pounds. She doesn’t bark she just sort of yips. She’s called a Maltese and she has to go to a beautician to have a bath and a hair cut.

She is always about two inches from my feet so if I am walking I am stumbling over her and if I am sitting I find myself resting my feet on her.

She needs a home as she belonged to my friend who recently died. I am sorry as this little dog is the only one that was able to stay awake all night every night with my dying friend, but…

One thing I know is that I don’t want this dog.

Her eyes are always on me. Like, always on me. All I have to do is look at her and she wags her tail.

She loves being touched. She loves having my hand on her; either petting her or simply resting it on her is enough. She doesn’t need constant attention Twenty-five hours a day is enough for her.

One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want this dog.

She never messes in the house. She jumps up and down to let you know she has to go outside. Then she circles until the job is done. I wish I had known this when I worked as a nurse. Instead of enemas and Milk of Magnesia I could have had the old people spin in circles.

When I get my jacket for any reason at all she is thrilled. She thinks there is a chance I am taking her for a walk. If I say yes, she explodes with delight. If I say no she lays back down with a look of unmistakable sadness.

If I get up at night to go the bathroom she comes from the other end of the house to be with me.

One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want this dog.

As I write this, the thought crosses my mind, “Where is this dog now?” I look down and find her under my feet.

One thing I don’t know for sure is that don’t want this dog.

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Coffee with Memories and Tears

Posted on February 28, 2017 by rstaples2013

Two weeks from today I will be leaving a place that feels like home to me. Not because this is a city with which I have any familiarity. Not even because I have deep personal friendships here. But, because this is where my friend lived the last few months of her life.

This friend lived many places, moved often and never felt like she belonged anywhere. Yet, whether it was an RV, a log cabin, a suburban mansion, an apartment or a mobile home, she always had a room furnished and waiting for me. She knew me so well that my bed always had cotton sheets, the refrigerator had organic food, and there was easy access to sunscreen, a protective hat and a hiking stick. A bottle of Kendall- Jackson Merlot rested on the counter with a glass imprinted “Too blessed to be stressed”.

My friend never felt like she belonged anywhere but she always made me feel like I belonged in her space.

This morning as I drink my coffee my eyes wander around all this beautiful décor that I will walk away from in two weeks and leave in the hands of an estate sale agent. It’s not that I want or need the things. It’s that I am overwhelmed with the realization of how deeply I have been loved. And I am saddened that I will never again visit my friend on this earth.

She is not here. Her ashes are on a glass-topped table that is held up by an artists rendering of a human figure.

My heart was stirred this week by Viola Davis’ acceptance speech at the Oscars. As I listened to her I felt a deep bond though I know this is a woman I will never meet. As she spoke the words I have copied below I recognized that part of my grief is that my friend is one of these people Viola is referencing. This friend is one who had great potential, dreamed big but never saw her dreams come to fruition.

My grief is deepened by the reality that, even though I tried, I was powerless to bring any of her dreams to fruition.

Here is part of Viola Davis speech:

“There’s one place where all the people with the greatest potential are gathered. One place. And that’s the graveyard,”

 People ask me all the time, what kind of stories do you want to tell, Viola?”

 And I say exhume those bodies. Exhume those stories. The stories of the people who dreamed big and never saw those stories to fruition. People who fell in love and lost.”

 “I became an artist and thank god I did because we are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life,”

 My friend was an artist too. She celebrated what it means to live life. She suffered the torment of broken dreams and in her words ”I am not designed for this world”.

I confess I would like to exhume her and make all her dreams come true. But that is not within my power.

I grieve as I think of leaving her home and the realization that I will never visit her again on earth. I grieve all her broken dreams, losses and pain.

Thankfully, I don’t grieve as one who has no hope, for my friend knew Jesus and someday we will be together in a place we both belong.

Until then, let’s join Viola in seeking empowerment for all the unknown people with big dreams and look with compassion on those who cannot find a place to belong.

 

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Exchanging My Gear

Posted on February 23, 2017 by rstaples2013

I went to the Outfitter with a list for what I would need for my new journey.

I needed a new backpack so I started out searching for the perfect one. Other than shoes, the backpack is the most important from my perspective.

Since I have traveled before, I didn’t ask for assistance from the service staff. I had already been measured and I knew what a good fit felt like. I was attracted to a backpack with an appealing color. I tried it on and it felt familiar. It had hidden pockets, an attached rain protector and adjustable straps that were easy to secure.

Feeling confident that I had found what I was looking for, proud I had found it so quickly, I then checked the label. I found a company whose brand name was GRIEF manufactured it.

Well, no one sees the brand name so I’m not going to be bothered by that little stitched on label.

I decided to walk around the store sporting my new backpack and making sure there were no pressure points.

Inadvertently, I caught the eye of an outfitter who was keenly observing my intended purchase and me.

Knowing I was not asking for help, the encounter was begun with some gentle questions. He asked about my intended adventure, terrain, distance, and climate…as we talked, I recognized that I had met this outfitter before. He acknowledged the same and then offered some observations.

“Your posture has changed significantly since we outfitted you for your last journey. May I suggest you try a different brand today?”

Not wanting to offend, I agreed.

It would be hard to exaggerate my delight as I slipped into the gear this outfitter recommended. Finding it so comfortable, I slipped it off and looked for the label.

The brand name was GRATITUDE.

 

 

 

 

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Was I Supposed to Feed Him

Posted on December 31, 2016 by rstaples2013

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Twenty-five years ago I married my husband.

This year in a marriage often prompts a public celebration, but we are choosing to just be the two of us. This is mostly because my husband has had both a stroke and a heart valve replacement. He does quite well in a one to one conversation but he is not able to follow conversation that takes place in a group.

Therefore, we are downsizing from the (literally) thousand people who attended our wedding to a private dinner. (That large number at the wedding happened because we were both pastors at a large church and we simply invited people through the church bulletin).

So, how do you celebrate when you are the only one with memory?

Or am I the only one who thinks I have a memory?

As I reflect on our marriage vow I am thankful to say that I have been faithful to the obvious intentions of this vow.

Yet, our recent medical appointment has prompted me to think about something not so specifically implied.

My husband’s doctor told him this week that if he were to lose anymore weight he would compromise his immune system and start to look old.

I remember when we were first married going with my husband to his doctor and hearing that he needed to get control of his weight. He needed to lose weight.

How did he go from someone who weighed too much to someone who weighed too little?

I wonder if, as his wife, I was supposed to feed him.

 

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