Arranging My Heart

Posted on January 4, 2013 by jroesler728

“I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.”

When I read these verses from Psalm 132 today I wondered if they are instructional to my struggle with consuming grief. Am I giving grief so much space in my heart that I don’t have a comfortable place for the Holy Spirit to dwell?

Would it be better to wrestle with God until He can stretch out in my heart rather than me stretching out on my bed in despair?

I welcome your thoughts

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Jesus Listening to Isaiah 53

Posted on January 2, 2013 by jroesler728

I found a web site this morning that displays a parallel Hebrew and English text of Isaiah 53. At the top there is an option to listen to this chapter in Hebrew.

As I listened, I imagined Jesus listening to this scripture as a young boy and then as a young man. Did he know as a child that this was his story? We know he knew he had to be about his father’s business, but how much of this bigger story did he apply to himself?

We know from his battle in Gethsemane that surrendering to this prophecy was an anguishing choice.

I was deeply impacted to read this translation of V3 “…a man of pain, and acquainted with disease…”

Then V 10, “Yet it pleased the LORD to crush him by disease…”

Is it possible that those of us who sing so easily that we want to be like Jesus may be inviting suffering into our lives?

Do I need to let my understanding of God’s love be big enough to allow the suffering of my friend?

I pray this morning, Lord, if possible may this not be your plan (that my friend writhe in the grip of ongoing suffering, so deep that she loses her grip on who you are), but may your will, not mine, be done.

I pray that I would know what part of this story applies to me and embrace both the grief and the hope.

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Family Members Not Yet Met

Posted on December 31, 2012 by jroesler728

There is something comforting in reading stories and songs written by people of faith from past generations. There is a knowing that warms the heart when a telling of the faith journey is recognized as that which was experienced then and is experienced now.

Often when I ask God to talk to me the answer comes with a melody in my head. Sometimes I know the song immediately and sometimes I have to jog my memory and even look up phrases until I find the song that God is singing to me.

The most recent one started with, “Praise the Savior.” When I found the old hymn I learned that Thomas Kelly who was born in 1806 had written it. His prayer then became my prayer:

Keep us, Lord, O keep us cleaving

To Thyself, and still believing,

Till the hour of our receiving


Promised joys with Thee.

Then we shall be where we would be,


Then we shall be what we should be,

Things that are not now, nor could be,


Soon shall be our own.

Today I praise Him, ask for grace to keep clinging, and recognize that what cannot be today will someday be.

I look forward to meeting this author who gives me a family member to walk with on my journey of faith.

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Prison, Freedom and Christmas

Posted on December 28, 2012 by jroesler728

I was seated in a pew waiting for the worship service to begin when I saw them walk into the sanctuary. They were a family of three made up of the father and his young adult son and daughter. I watched to see where they would sit and then got up from my seat to sit with them.

 

It was a joy to see this man walk into the service. My heart flooded with memories of our doing ministry together when his children were younger. It was especially precious today because it is Christmas weekend and this man has spent his last nine Christmases in prison.

 

One of the worship songs we sang had the phrase “in His Presence we are free.” I wondered, as we sang, what it would be like to have been locked up in prison for Christmas. How did it feel to be free this Christmas? What prison may I be in? Have I been released to fully celebrate the freedom I have in Jesus?

 

Jesus said that he had been sent to set the prisoner free.  He so identifies with prisoners that he said when we visit one we are visiting him.

 

This afternoon there was a message on my cell phone from this man saying he was glad we could worship together this morning. Then he told me that he was well connected with support and that God was so good to him.

 

What lesson is in his story for me? I want to review the release papers that are mine because of the birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus. I want to be free today.

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Remembering My First Pair of Skis

Posted on December 26, 2012 by jroesler728

They were a Christmas present. Dad had ripped two boards about four feet long and four inches wide. The board was crafted into a gradual point on one end. The point itself was about a one-inch square. All of this I learned only after receiving them at Christmas because they were carefully hidden from me.

 

For many weeks, after I had gone to bed, Dad put the pointed end of the boards into the reservoir of our wood stove and then in the morning took them out and gradually shaped the warped end so that the board curled. They were painted red on the top. The bottom was coated with the kind of wax Mom used to top off her canning of strawberry jam. I could keep a piece of this wax to refresh the coat if it wore down.

 

These “skis” stayed on my feet by two leather straps that were riveted to each side of the ski. They were just the length that allowed my rubber overshoes to fit snugly.

 

I could hardly wait to get back to school after Christmas vacation. Some of the bigger boys from our one room school had built a ski jump on a high hill just across the road from our school. At recess we all carried our skies and stomped over to the hill. When my turn came I skied down the slope quick as lightening and jumped high in the air landing on my feet.

 

I looked pretty good, I think, but I knew it was not personal skill. It was all because of my equipment.

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A Glimpse into “No More Tears”

Posted on December 24, 2012 by jroesler728

A Glimpse Into “No More Tears”

 

We know very little about what the land of “no more tears” will be like. We cling to the hope of living and reigning with Jesus. We know He has promised to wipe every tear away.

 

We believe He is reigning now and yet, just as His journey on earth was described as “acquainted with grief and familiar with suffering” we, too, find this to be our story.

 

When a broken heart seems to have become the “new normal” or when tragedy strikes for one whom we feel has met their quota of suffering we cry, “how can this be?”

 

But then, there can be another reason to pray with a stunned silence. What if, after a prolonged season of grief and suffering, it is interrupted with hope?  The healing for which we have so long prayed seems to be breaking through. We dare not hope but we dare not deny hope.

 

Today, I cannot say that this rescue is how it will be tomorrow, but I can declare that I have been given a window of how it will be then.

 

When we live and reign in the land of “no more tears.”

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Take My Hand…

Posted on December 21, 2012 by jroesler728

I was walking through the lobby of our church at the time when our preschool children use this place as a kind of playground. I heard the patter of many little feet before I saw them running at full speed along a prescribed path. They were about 3 years old. I watched as a little boy near the end of the line stumbled and fell. He got up on his own and as he did the expression of his face was ambivalent. He was clearly trying to decide if he should cry.

 

Before he had time to decide, the little boy next in line took his hand and gave him a big smile. The boy who fell caught the smile and beamed back. Hand in hand they continued their running course.

 

Then I looked out the second story window of our classroom building a saw a large sedan pull up. The lady driving was struggling to get a walker out of the trunk. When she did she opened the passenger door and worked on placing the walker into a position where her friend could reach it. It took awhile to get the walker steady, to remove the seat belt and start the process of getting this person out of the car. After several attempts the driver placed the walker a little further from the car and extended her hand.

 

Her hand gave confidence and stability. After two steps hand in hand, the disabled lady grasped the walker and started the slow shuffling journey to the church door.

 

Watch me today, and when I stumble, take my hand.

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Driven by Gratitude

Posted on December 19, 2012 by jroesler728

I was walking out of the chapel recently having just led a Memorial Service for one of our seniors when I met her.

She seemed to be searching for something or someone so I asked if I could help. She was clearly from another country, some Asian country, but was articulate with English. She answered my question by asking if she could go into the chapel and pray.

 

I said yes, but there were mourners in there and a youth group would be filling it soon. I asked if I could help her find a place that would be quiet. She indicated appreciation. I then introduced myself as a pastor and asked if she wanted someone to pray with her or if she preferred to pray alone.

 

She said if someone would pray with her that would be even better. I escorted her to our prayer room. As we walked there I asked if she knew Jesus. She said, “yes,” it was not her culture but her mother had converted to Christianity.

 

When we settled into the prayer room I asked her what, specifically, she would like to talk to God about. She said she just wanted to say Thank You. She explained that God had given her so much.

 

I prayed and then she prayed. She simply thanked God for everything He had done for her and given her.

 

I was reminded of Jesus asking, “Where are the nine?”

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A Story of Heartbreak Overshadowing Reason

Posted on December 17, 2012 by jroesler728

 

 

We were the only ones in the boutique.

 

My friend, who loves to create a wardrobe for me that is far beyond what I would choose for myself was on a roll. I know from experience that we were in familiar territory. My friend will convince me that I need to update my clothes. I will respond by saying I think what I have is fine. She will tell me I can’t have the job I have and look like I would look. She chooses 30 new things for me. I continue to resist but in the end buy 10. I then leave them in my closet for about a month.

 

One day I take a risk and wear one of them. I am quickly surrounded by people who love what I am wearing. I have even been identified as someone who is into fashion and unless I tell the above story that is the impression I give.

 

Yesterday had a new twist. Only one person staffed this small artistic boutique. I had called the day before and learned the hours were from 9 am to 3 pm. We arrived about 2 pm. After about a half hour, the attendant began looking at her watch and asking if there were some articles of clothing she could return to their racks.

 

I was frantically trying on new things and negotiating with my friend. At one point I told the sales attendant she should give my friend a commission. At 3 pm we were checking out. I had a stack of new clothes that I knew I would eventually love.

 

The sales attendant started adding up the cost trying to calculate sale items and give credit where appropriate. When my friend handed her the credit card the attendant announced a price that was less than half of what we expected. When we asked if she was sure she had charged us for everything the attendant realized she had two pages of receipt records but had only charged us for one.

 

After she finished the second calculation my friend asked her if she had charged us for a piece of jewelry. The sales lady said “No” and ran the charge again. As she was doing this, my friend noticed a pair of harem pants she thought would be perfect for me. She convinced me to try them on and we added them to the check out pile.

 

The sales lady sighed impatiently and said the store had been closed for a half hour. I responded by saying that I had called yesterday and been told the store was open until 3 pm. The lady asked what time it was. I told her it was 3:01 pm.

 

Confused by her reluctance to take our business I asked, “Aren’t you happy to make a sale?” I silently wondered why she wouldn’t be as no one else was shopping in the store. I assumed we were off-season.

 

It was then she told me she was very happy to make the sale but she had just placed her husband in a nursing home and she was anxious to go and see him. She explained he had advanced Alzheimer’s.

 

I asked if he knew her. She said, “Yes, and he also knows I am the one who put him in there.” She said she had taken him home 5 times.

 

Sometimes adding sales receipts, making a profit, attending to customers and being cordial are all superficial intrusions into the terror and heartbreak of real life.

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God, Where Do You Want Me to Be?

Posted on December 14, 2012 by jroesler728

This question has become a familiar prayer for me in recent weeks. I have somehow decided that there are three essential places that I need to be. (All at the same time). My prayer for God to speak to me was genuine and I intended to follow the guidance I was seeking.

What I didn’t have on the checklist I had prepared for God was the answer He gave me this morning. I believe God said, “Your presence is not critical to any of those three places. I have them under My control.”  “Actually”, he continued, “I have prepared these three environments as gifts for you. Each of them will reveal more of who I AM and be useful in molding you into my image.”

There is a wonderful freedom in not being needed and a simultaneous joy in being wanted.

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