What Do You Say When…

Posted on July 1, 2011 by jroesler728

What do you say when there is nothing to say?

My friend had been battling leukemia for many years. The dreaded waiting period between the routine blood draws and the test reports had become fraught with familiar anxiety.

I waited for a call from this friend on the day I knew her results were due. When my phone rang she simply said, “Get your Bible and meet me at the park.” I said, “OK.”

We sat across from each other at a picnic table. She looked into my eyes with a steady gaze and said, “I am going to die.”

I said in response, “I will walk with you.”

This began a year of deepening an already precious friendship. The gift of walking with the dying is one we need to experience in order to fully appreciate. The trust, vulnerability and shifting priorities both sharpen faith and challenge conformity.

In my years as a community health nurse I was always in a relationship with a dying person I had grown to love. Then, in my years as a Children’s Pastor, the death of a friend was rare. Now, that I am a pastor for Senior Adults, I again find myself walking intimately with those whose time on earth can be measured in hours.

As I reflect on these seasons I am convinced that the times when the face of a dying friend is my daily companion I live a healthier spiritual life. The grief does not lessen in its intensity. The losses still tug heavily on my heart. But I am thankful for tangible reminders that the tents we live in are only designed for temporary use.

The next time a friend tells me he or she is dying I will be grateful for the gift of being able to say,“I will walk with you.”

What will your response be when you learn someone you love is dying?

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Sadness Needs a Slider

Posted on June 29, 2011 by jroesler728
It is quite common to see a commercial where heavy furniture, appliances and even a car can be shifted from one place to another simply by placing little round disks under the corners and pushing on the object that needs to be moved.
 
Sadness is personal and its weight can only be determined by the one who bears it. Yet, none of us who see faith through aging eyes have been spared the experience of crushing grief.
 
I recently spoke to a friend in her early 80’s who lost her beloved father 40 years ago. The phone call conveying this grievous news was answered by her husband. This friend explained to me that with great tenderness her husband gently told her he had sad news; that her father was dead. Then, as a couple, they knelt in prayer and together rolled the rock of grief into the arms of Jesus.
 
This action did not quench the healthy emotions of grief but it shifted the weight. This couple claims this action has sustained them through life.
 
I am writing this because I have had a rock of sadness fall on me yesterday morning.
 
I am remembering Paul’s word in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, “ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
 
I am thankful for the authenticity of God’s word, the example of my mentors and for God’s patience as he allows me to be reminded anew of what I already know.
 
What have you learned about shifting your burdens and helping others shift theirs? I eagerly watch for your comments?
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Steep Steps and Crutches

Posted on June 27, 2011 by jroesler728

The church begged to be photographed. It is a classic white structure with a steeple that points through the towering pines to the heavens.

At the time of my childhood, which is the setting for these memories, the front door of the church was accessed by a long flight of narrow steep steps. It was a nightmare for a man on crutches. It could have been a valid reason to not attend.

But not for my grandpa. For him, and for us when we visited, it only meant we leave early for church so Grandpa can do the agonizing work of climbing the steps with crutches.

As a kid I hated to wait as Grandpa struggled with this weekly climb. Today I cherish this picture as a stepping-stone for my own faith.

Something was compelling Grandpa. No, Someone. Thank you, Jesus.

Who put stepping-stones in your childhood faith?

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Putting Grandma in the Grave

Posted on June 24, 2011 by jroesler728

(A graveside service for children)

There is no way to make what we are going to do here now easy.  As we actually put the body that your Grandmother used to live in into the grave, we feel all kinds of things, like there is something basically wrong about this.  And God understands these feelings better than we do.  Our feelings of sadness feel like fear and sometimes it all feels like confusion. That’s because death is both and enemy and a friend.

It is an enemy because it robs us of time together with someone we love.  God doesn’t like it either.  We would not have sickness and death if we didn’t have sin.  Death is an enemy BUT it is an enemy that God did defeat when Jesus rose again from the dead. Our bodies still have to die but when they do, if we belong to Jesus, He comes to get us and we don’t die at all.  We just move to where He is and wait there for the rest of the family.  Actually, the person who goes to Heaven doesn’t wait because there is no time there. It is we, here on earth that wait. And then finally at the end of everything here on earth, we all get new bodies, but I’m not sure how that works.

Death is a friend because when we have lived on this earth for as long as God thinks it is a good idea, death let’s us get free from this body that the Bible calls a tent.  This is what happened to your Grandmother and what we are going to do now is place her tent in the grave because she doesn’t need it anymore.  Your Grandmother isn’t here at the cemetery today. She’s already gone on ahead with Jesus. But we don’t throw her body just anywhere because it is the thing that she lived in and we want to show respect for it. This place will have a maker with her name on it.  It will be a place where you can visit if you want to, and remember some of the special times you have had together.

Sometimes it might feel to you like Grandmother is actually talking to you when you remember some of the things she has said to you.  That will be the Holy Spirit reminding you of the truth she taught you.  The Bible tells us not to talk to the dead but the Holy Spirit loves to remind us of truth. And if you want to say something to her you can ask Jesus to tell her.

In 2 Timothy 1:5 & 6 Paul reminds Timothy that he sincerely trusts the Lord because he has the faith of his mother and of his grandmother.  He that tells him to fan into flame the spiritual gift God gave him.  My prayer for you today is that you will hang on tight to the faith of your Grandmother and live a life as she did that looks like Jesus.

Because God, who is in charge of everything, has called your Grandmother home to Himself, we now commit the body she used to live in to the earth.  And we commit her into the hands of her loving heavenly Father and his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who said,” I am going ahead to get a room ready for you.”

Please leave a  comment if you find this being helpful for children at a graveside committal service.

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The Back Door Doesn’t Close

Posted on June 22, 2011 by jroesler728

 Welcome to Senior Adult Ministry!

We want to be warm and friendly. We want to make the front door wide. We want to change the image of Senior from “a category to be avoided and denied” to “one where joy and pain fit in the same place, but joy overpowers.” 

It was exciting to hear from a county social worker that she and her colleagues stopped in at our fellowship meetings when they could just because it felt good to be with happy seniors! At least some of our front door desires are being granted.  

But, what about the back door? 

When I worked with Children’s Ministry most of the kids moved naturally to Middle School. Where do seniors go next?  

We try to listen to God as we design ministry. We try to create an environment that has a wide front door and a narrow back door. The challenge for evangelism is that the back door doesn’t close! 

Who is in your life that needs to be introduced to Jesus on this side of the back door?

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I’m Still Young, I Think…

Posted on June 20, 2011 by jroesler728

I want to commend you for your courage in reading this blog entitled Silverstrand: Faith through aging eyes. Especially since your secret is that you feel like you are just “getting started.” 

Do you remember the first time someone gave you the impression that you were an older person?  Has anyone ever said or done anything to indicate to you that, in his or her eyes, you were moving right along with the aging process? 

A couple of weeks ago, the person who coordinates the prison ministry at our church told me she needed an elderly Christian for a one time visit to an inmate. At first I thought she wanted me to find her someone and then it slowly dawned on me that she wanted me. 

Sometimes the message is mixed.  A few years ago I took a trip to Mali, Africa that required a number of vaccinations. When the travel clinic nurse realized I did not have immunity to measles she said that, because of my age, I would have to get special permission from my doctor. I felt offended but went ahead and got the permission she wanted. Then, when I came for the shots, I was asked to sign a waiver stating I would not get pregnant for 28 days!!!!! 

Aging is not an easy topic in our culture. Just looking at birthday cards tells us that people don’t know what to say. It’s quite amazing how many things our advertisers say we could buy to interrupt or even reverse our aging and yet time is rather relentless in its pursuit. 

What have you experienced that lets you know that others see you as getting older even though older to you means “they” and not “we?”

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A Tribute to My Husband

Posted on June 17, 2011 by jroesler728

Since his stroke 8 years ago many of the things my husband, Virgil, did without a thought now require time, concentration and humility. Words can be elusive and repair of normal appliances or machinery is daunting. 

This can be illustrated by the old lawn mower that he was trying to keep breathing on life support. It was old when we bought it and it has increasingly become more unstable, unsafe and unfriendly. 

One of Virgil’s friends, who had been keeping an eye on him, asked if he could talk to me confidentially about the contraption being used to cut our lawn. He said he tried to steer Virgil into pulling the plug on this mower and buying another one.  This friend was seeking my input because Virgil was not responding to his concerns. Excuses like, “It can be repaired;” “A new one would be too expensive;” and “It’s good enough for me.” were taking priority. 

Because I believed this friend’s concern to be valid I contemplated what my role should be. I knew I wanted to respect my husband. I knew I wanted him to be protected from preventable risks.

 As I pondered this I recognized that when the decision to spend money is for something that primarily benefits himself, Virgil is radically frugal. But, if it is something that I want/need cost ceases to be a consideration. (What an amazing quality for a husband to demonstrate. What a picture of selfless love.)

I called Virgil’s friend and told him I had an idea. I said, “When you talk to Virgil about the lawn mower, tell him that it would be good to get one that your wife could handle that would be safe and easy for her. 

Immediately, Virgil decided to buy a new lawn mower. The one he picked is of exceptional quality. 

This reflection is written by a wife who is experiencing exceptional love, one that reflects the love of Jesus.

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X Marks the Spot

Posted on June 15, 2011 by jroesler728

Just for fun draw a line on a blank paper. Think of one end as the date of your birth and the other as the date of your death. Then, put an X on the place on that line that you think you are right now.

Let’s for now, acknowledge we have more history than future and think about how we expect to die.

Now let’s think about this: If you could choose how you die, describe what it would look like? Most of us would say,  “painlessly in my sleep.” One person, of recent time said she wanted to die in her sleep like her grandfather, not kicking and screaming like the other people riding in his car!!! 

In the middle ages, however, people said, “long and malingering so I will have time to get right with God.”

 Are you free to think about your own death? What are your thoughts?

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Come, See a Miracle

Posted on June 13, 2011 by jroesler728

I think I was four years old. We lived on a farm and on a routine day after our evening meal, which we called supper, my Dad and Mom would go out to the barn for a couple of hours to milk the cows, provide feed and water for the animals, and check on the various gerrymandered creations that kept broken down equipment last past their normal expiration date so that our basic needs could be met.

It was as such a time as this when my mother arrived at the door of our house and breathlessly said, “Honey, get your coat. I want to show you a miracle.” She helped me with my thick, hand-me-down, altered to fit coat and tied a scarf around my head.

We walked to the barn with the winter snow crunching beneath our feet. (I still miss those nights when the air was clear, the stars were bright and the snow crunched with each step.) When we reached the barn the familiar smell of animals and the warmth their bodies emitted felt comforting to me.

Mom was undistracted in her mission to show me a miracle. She took me to the platform behind the stanchions where the cows were secured. (This is where I had learned to be careful because a cow’s tail can be a memorable whip.)

We stopped behind the cow that was Mom’s destination. Dad was standing behind this cow and to my amazement he had a long rope that seemed secured under the cow’s tail and was pulling with what looked like all his might.

Mom’s non-verbal posture compelled me to be quiet and watch.

Before long, the feet of a calf, tied by the rope, came forth from under the cow’s tail as my dad continued to pull.

Then, at a speed almost too fast for words, the calf’s head appeared and the whole body slipped to the straw below. The calf barely landed when it rose shakily to its four legs. Somehow, even though secured in a stanchion, the mother was able to crane her neck, push the calf up to her face and lick away any film that would inhibit clear breathing. She then used her rather strong neck movements to push the calf to her udder where he quickly found the perfect anatomical protrusions to fill his mouth and begin a rhythmical sucking of milk.

I am so grateful for the gift of growing up on a farm and for a mother who recognized miracles.

I wonder why, when I worked as a nurse, I cried every time I saw a baby born?

What have you learned from life experience that still fills your heart with wonder?

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What Are You Counting Today?

Posted on June 10, 2011 by jroesler728

We have a wonderful couple that has been faithful in our prayer group for years. Six months ago the man developed some health problems that needed to be attended either in the hospital or in-home medical care.

In the weeks that followed several from the group would bring an encouraging report of this friend’s progress. “He is getting better.” “It is healing slowly.” “They will be back soon.”

The optimistic report proved true except that when one thing got better another health challenge presented. So, for the past six months if it hasn’t been one thing it has been the next.

Being sick these days is a full time job. Life becomes making and keeping medical appointments. Last week, just when recovery seemed in sight another surgery became necessary.

I called Anne, the wife from this story, to tell her I miss them and how sorry I am for the long hard bump after bump road. She answered the phone with the lilting joyful voice I have known and loved for years. She seems to be almost laughing as she talks.

“Oh, we’re doing just great!!!” After 85 years of good health we now have caught up with 6 months of illness.”  “We are so blessed. All you have to do is look around those hospitals and you realize how blessed you are!”

When I asked if they would be back soon she said, “I hope so but we have another month of one doctor after another.” (More contagious laughing…)

Reflecting on this conversation I wonder what I am counting? Am I counting my blessings today or only lamenting my losses?

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