I confided to a friend that I am harboring a feeling of resentment toward someone. This friend responded with firm kindness, “You need to lay that on the altar”.
I thought about this, struggling with the tension of knowing she was right, on the one hand, and knowing I didn’t want to, on the other.
After a long silence, I said, “The altar is too crowded”.
I didn’t need anybody to problem solve that dilemma for me. The only reason for the altar to be crowded is that I must be laying things on it but not burning them. Is it possible that I don’t want to burn them in case I want to take them back?
Knowing I was in over my head, I asked God directly why the person I resent with such passion is in my life. I prayed, “I want this answer to be from You, God. I don’t want to make something up”. As I waited I realized I was asking the wrong question.
So, I changed the question to “How do I respond (to this person who I resent) in a way that would bring glory to You, God. Again I asked that He speak to me clearly so that I didn’t craft my own answer.
I sensed Him say to me, “Whose life is it? “
This brought to mind a quote from a wise Indian Pastor, “We tend to be living sacrifices that keep crawling off the altar!”
I want to lay my resentment on the altar. I want to set it ablaze. I want to remember that I have presented myself as a living sacrifice. I don’t want to crawl off the altar…
Does God ask the impossible of us because He loves us so intensely that He doesn’t give us assignments we can complete without Him?