Hearing loss opens the way for uninvited emotions to charge what begins as a straightforward comment.
My default response when my husband does not hear what I have said is to repeat the same comment in a louder tone.
The third repetition could easily be interpreted as an angry statement. By now I am shouting and articulating my words in a way that courts sarcasm.
Yesterday I stopped myself and said, “ When I repeat something that you don’t hear the first time, my repeated statement sounds like I am mad. How do you talk loud without sounding mad?”
My husband said, “It is the responsibility of the receiver to decide if the person talking is mad. I know you are not mad”
I asked, “How do you know I am not mad?”
His answer humbled me, “Because I know you”.
This response of pure grace did not take advantage of reminding me of how I could have done it better. I know that thee are better ways of making my words understood than raising the volume. These include not talking while I am walking away or in another room, standing face to face so lip reading can be an asset, turning down distracting noises and finding different words that convey the intended meaning.
But grace did not remind me of what I was doing wrong. Grace simply reminded me that I am safe because I am known.
I wonder if I extend this grace to God when I don’t understand what He is saying to me?
Am I able to rest in ambiguity because I know Him?