I thought I understood crisis. I have taught the basics of crisis response for years. I have met with people in crisis and have been told that I have been helpful. But this crisis has torn through my mask of competence and revealed the shadows beneath it.
My best friend’s house burned down this week. I was the only one in it when the fire started. I saw the raging flames on the deck towering over the height of the house. It looked to me like a war scene.
The only thing I could think of was to save her two little pets. I ran to get them and carried them into the front yard. By then the neighbor had called 911 and people began to gather to look.
I don’t know what they saw but I saw the dreams of my suffering friend burning up. Just the morning of this day she had let her tired painful body rest in a lawn chair and say she was finally done. She had worked so hard and the house was now at a place where she could enjoy it. Instead it is a charred horror scene that the city is giving us 10 days to demolish.
The lesson for me is that my pain has been expressed in sinful behaviors and thoughts. I have not spent long periods in prayer. I have not run to my Bible. I have not confided in my friends. I have been impatient with my husband, my sister and most anyone who calls and asks how I am and what they can do.
I can’t think of what they can do.
I am sad that I do not have a story that brings glory to my God but rather one that reveals there is much of His work that needs to be done in me.
My prayer is Father forgive ME for I know not what I do.
How many times have you quoted Romans 8:26-27? I thought of it immediately because I have seen it sooth people who couldn’t find the words to pray and felt badly about it. I feel sad for this rough time., I feel sad for your best friend. I don’t know what you would ask me to pray if you were able to ask but I know you. You are still a pastor and teacher in this and I have learned good things already. Don’t worrry. All of your friends and loved ones are praying for you until you are able to ask and do. We wait.